Tears

I’ve been holding in this cry and now I feel nauseous. It has to come out one way or another. I just don’t want to cry anymore.

My tears at this point are redundant. They’re echos of the same pain, springing up from the same well.

My heart is so heavy. All the time. Like the wells of my heart keep filling until there is no more room and the tears have to flow. But I cry for every thing and I don’t want to cry anymore.

Tears don’t change anything. Tears do not fix the pain or heal it.

All tears do is mess up my makeup.

But I need to cry. I do want to cry. But I won’t let myself. Not this time. My pride says the hurt isn’t worth my tears. My pride won’t let me cry. I try, but they’re not coming. They’re there- in my eyes and welling in my throat. But they won’t come out.

Pride is what got me here in the first place and now pride isn’t letting me cry.

Just cry, I tell myself, you always feel better after a good cry, so just cry.

My tears feel redundant but they’re not. I must remember that God collects every tear. He’s in every tear. They mean something. I need to stop telling myself that I don’t need to cry, because that’s trying to be the fixer of my own problems. So just cry. Cry and be the giver of your problems to the healer of all problems.

Cry and let Him collect the water from the well of hurt. Let it out so Jesus can come in.